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Poses past, part VI – Pitch and Butt

12 November 2012

It’s 25 March 2012, in the freezing stillness of an early Sunday morning under white skies, damp rather than crisp. There seems to be very few people about, but down by the seafront, near the start of the pier, there is a little activity. Some men are stapling covers onto fences surrounding the Adventure Island mini-golf. And a few people are starting to trickle in through the gate.  I was one: number seventeen.

It was the coming together of Pitch and Butt – “An attempt to set the ‘Most Naked People to play a Miniature Golf Course in One Hour’ World Record“. Guinness had set a minimum requirement that 30 people complete the 18-hole course within 60 minutes for the effort to be recognised as an ‘official’ world record. Other stipulations were:

  1. The rules of miniature golf must be followed throughout the event.
  2. Participants must play the entire course in order and not miss or repeat holes.
  3. All participants must walk around the course.
  4. The use of a caddy is not permitted.
  5. One participant cannot begin shooting on a hole until the person before them has completed the hole. e.g. Participant 1 will tee-off on hole 1. Participant 2 cannot tee off until Participant 1 has sunk their putt and moved on to the next hole. This must follow throughout all 18 holes.
  6. It is not permitted for any participant to withdraw midway through the round.
  7. A log book should be maintained throughout the attempt and scorecards for each round must be provided.
  8. The event is continuous. The clock does not stop. One hour means a complete 60-minute cycle. The actual record attempt will start at 10am and so it must finish at 11am.
  9. A loud start and finish signal will be used.

Most importantly, the whole effort was a fund and awareness-raiser in support of the charity Prostate Cancer UK.

Despite a fair amount of coverage in the local papers – mainly thanks to magnificent efforts of local twins Emma and Sarah Burton who posed for publicity shots in the weeks before – it looked like the attempt might be thwarted. The organisers had turned up, the press had turned up, and the golfers had turned up… but the trouble was only 28 golfers had turned up. Where to find two more bodies for a chance of making the record official? To the relief of all concerned, at the last moment a gentleman from local radio and a lady freelance journalist lay down their clothes for the cause. Much respect to them.

So we got under way and we all got round comfortably with several minutes to spare. I may even have finished a couple of shots under par (or over), despite nightmares at the start and finish, and hitting a photographer’s foot halfway round. Strangely, however, the fearsome cold didn’t seem nearly so bad once we were naked and well into the game. Concentration is a wonderful insulator. As is the sheer fun of it.


Let the game commence: three pounds to get in, or free if you’re bollock-naked.


Ladies prepare to play through, while a chilly gentleman hunts for his lost ball.


A nice one of me, bending on a back hole.


Sarah in the classic stance, a candidate for Sports Personality of the Year.


Emma finishes with a flourish, while a local councillor thumbs his hand-held gizmo.

Three thousand pounds raised, world record set – all in all, a job well done.

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